Connecting With Your Partner After Having A Baby
Relationships are hard enough, add a baby and you're in for a roller a coaster of fun!
When I got pregnant and had a baby, no one told me just how hard it would be on my relationship with my partner. Sure, I expected to be stressed, sleep deprived and just plain tired... but never really thought that it would effect my relationship to the point where reconnecting felt almost impossible at times.
Some of us might be lucky and the new addition to the duo won't put a single dent in your relationship - congratulations, you're the 2%. For the rest of us, we have to work on connecting and making time to help flourish the relationship in our marriage (partnership).
Let's talk about sex! For some couples sex can seem foreign after a baby is born - we used to have sex how many times a week? Now, it feels like we'll be lucky if we have sex once a month! For men, it's easy to get into the mood. But for some women, we need connection, we need to feel good about ourselves and feel intimacy with our partners. For the record, I didn't feel too sexy in my sweatpants and pulled back hair.Reality is we need to be connected and we need to try reconnecting with our partners. Bring that spark back into the relationship.
How to bring back that lovin' feelin' & Reconnect With Your Partner:
Make time for you and your partner. No, you're not being a bad mom if you ask a family member or good friend you trust to watch your child for a couple of hours. You and your partner need time for yourselves. It's great to spend time together and remember all the reasons you came together in the first place. (On a budget? Go for walk. Make a romantic Dinner together. Have a movie night at home. Sit and just talk).
Take care of you. Be selfish for once, you deserve it. Get your hair done. Get a pedicure or manicure or both! Get a massage. Do whatever you want to make yourself feel good inside and out.Dress Up. You got your hair done, dress it up and go out. Even if its a walk in your neighbourhood, community or out for a drink with a friend. Looking good will give you a boost of confidence that you need... Feeling confident will show in your relationship and your hubby will notice.
Get it on. Sex. sex and sex. Yes, sex is important in most relationships and finding that connection will help your relationship. It might feel like you're forcing it, but if you're doing your date nights, that want for sexual connection will come and that BIG elephant in the room will slowly walk out the door. Key in the music.
Go out with your friends! Ok, so, how does that tie into helping your relationship? Similar to the point about dressing up and going out and building that confidence, it's good to be you. You need to stay connected (and sane) with YOU and your friends can help. Well, good friends anyway. Plus, it's nice to leave for a couple of hours while your partner is home with the little one and has time to miss you (and not as a mom, but as his partner).
Stay affectionate. Even a kiss good morning, a hug at the end of a long day or a few cuddles on the couch. Staying affectionate will help stay connected.Laugh! Don't be afraid to laugh and be silly. Let lose and try to make things lighter. When we're in a stressful situation, we seem to be triggered more often, be aware of your twiggers and try to laugh and enjoy each other more.If you're feeling distraught and wonder "will our relationship ever get back on track" just remember you're not alone and it just takes more work for now. But I promise, once you've passed that hurdle, it'll be good again.