- Clarinda Brandão
My Top 10 Tips on Healing After a Divorce
The ending of a relationship or marriage can be hard and it can leave you feeling lost, confused and rejected. We desperately try to understand why it ended and how to move on from it. Whether you were the one that ended or your partner, it can feel hard.
One of the reasons that the end of relationship is so difficult, is because it's an end. Ending can bring up a lot of feelings, similar to loss. Though a divorce is not a death, it can bring up the same intense feeling. We mourn the loss of a relationship.
One of the key things that we take on after a divorce or ending of a relationship is the feeling of rejection.
Not only are you sad it ended, but you are often left wondering on how you're supposed to move forward. After all, you planned to be with this person for the remaining of your life. Your future had this person and now they're gone. So what does that mean for your future? What are your wants and needs now? Where do you go from here?
Here are my top 10 suggestions to help you with your new path on healing after your divorce:
1. Accept what you are feeling. Sometimes we tell ourselves we shouldn't be sad or that we should be stronger. But what you're going through is normal. You need to process, which means feeling sad for a while. Being able to stay in sadness and process is strength.
2. Reach out to friends and family. Friends and family are important. They can provide support and encouragement when you're feeling lonely and heart broken.
3. Plan a trip. It doesn't have to be right away. But plan either a long or mini trip somewhere near or far. Getting away allows you to step out of the life you have and make you see there is more outside of your emotional chaos.
4. Journal. Write down your feelings and thoughts. Sometimes writing it down allows them to escape the mind and go on paper. It takes away the weight of the heaviness you are feeling.
5. Seek Therapy or Coaching. Discovering yourself after a Divorce or long-term breakup is a healthy way to move forward. It allows you to discover your best self and uncover hidder self realizations to help you live a happy and fulfilling life. You are more than a "couple", you are an individual with so much to offer.
6. Say Good-bye. This can be done in many ways. But it might mean finally telling yourself it's over. You can write a letter to your ex partner. Not send it. A letter can help you express everything you're feeling. It's important to find ways that you can say good-bye figuratively. It's for you not them.
7. Take up a hobby or interest you have thought about but never had the time. Whether it is yoga, rock climbing or painting. Think about what are some things you've always wanted to do, but never gave yourself permission to find the time. 8. Throw a "Divorce Party". When you are ready, celebrate the times you were together and let go. Invite your friends and celebrate the new beginning. The new you! Lots of exciting changes ahead!
9. Get a mini-make over. Get your hair done, get your nails done or buy a couple of new outfits. After a divorce we need to feel attractive for ourselves. 10. Grieve. Endings are sad. They are hard. It's ok to grieve. If you're looking for relationship counselling or coaching, I am currenting hosting a special week Nov 23-Nov 28 for an 1.5 hour session specifically targeted on healing after a divorce or breakup. For details or to book a session, visit: Healing After a Divorce or Break Up.
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