Giving Ourselves Permission to Rest, Without Guilt: A Relational and IFS Perspective

In our fast-paced world, the message to "keep going" and "stay busy" often feels overwhelming. Yet, for many of us, taking time to rest can evoke feelings of guilt or shame - particularly in a culture that equates productivity with worth. But what if we could prioritize rest without judgment? What if resting was an act of compassion for ourselves and part of a healthy internal balance?

Understanding Rest Through a Relational Psychotherapy Lens

Relational Psychotherapy emphasizes the importance of connection - firstly, our connection to others, but equally, our connection to ourselves. It highlights that our sense of self is shaped through relationship, and often, internal parts develop around early experiences and external influences.

When we feel guilty about resting, a part of us might be interpreting rest as laziness, unproductiveness, or even selfishness - views shaped by our environment and internalized messages. This "inner critic" may be quick to judge our need for pause, pushing us to "do more" to prove our worth or avoid feelings of inadequacy.

From this perspective, giving ourselves permission to rest involves recognizing and gently relating to these parts. We can explore questions like:

• What does this part believe about taking rest?

• Where do these messages come from?

• How can I show compassion towards this part?

By fostering a relational dialogue with these parts, we create space for understanding. We begin to see rest not as failure or laziness, but as a vital act of self-care and healing.

An IFS Approach: Embracing Our Internal System

Internal Family Systems (IFS) offers a powerful framework for understanding the diverse parts within us. It posits that our psyche is composed of subpersonalities - protective parts, exiles holding pain or vulnerability, and the Self, our core compassionate presence.

When it comes to guilt about resting, an "inner critic" or "busy-body" part may be pushing us to keep active, while an "exiled" part might be carrying feelings of shame or unworthiness that surface when we slow down.

How can we practice giving permission to rest?

1. Identify and Connect with the Supporting Self:

Recognize your core Self - your compassionate, calm awareness. From this space, you can observe your parts with curiosity and calmness.

2. Notice the Protective Parts:

Notice any parts that advocate for constant activity or judge you for resting. Gently thank them for their care and ask what they fear might happen if you rest.

3. Offer Compassion to Your Exiled Parts:

Exiled parts often carry feelings of unworthiness or fear of being "lazy." Show kindness to these parts, reassuring them that rest is a necessary and healthy part of life.

4. Reframe Rest as a Strength:

Embrace the idea that resting is an act of self-respect and strength - not weakness. Your Self can help parts see that replenishing your energy allows you to show up more fully in your relationships and responsibilities.

Bringing It All Together

Resting without guilt is not about neglecting responsibilities; it's about honoring your intrinsic need for balance and self-compassion. Through the relational lens, we see our parts as inner allies - parts that, when acknowledged and understood, can support us in cultivating a more compassionate relationship with ourselves.

By integrating insights from Relational Psychotherapy and IFS, we can nurture a profound inner dialogue - one that encourages us to give permission to pause, breathe, and simply be, free from guilt or shame. When we treat ourselves with kindness and understanding, we not only heal internal divides but also foster a more authentic, nourishing connection to life.