How to Support Someone Through Pregnancy or Infant Loss

Pregnancy and infant loss are deeply personal experiences - and no two stories are the same. For some, the grief is raw and consuming. For others, it’s quieter, or even hard to name. There isn’t one “right” way to feel after a loss like this.

What’s often shared, though, is the silence that surrounds it. The uncertainty of what to say. The fear of saying the wrong thing.

As therapists, we often hear from both sides - from those who’ve experienced loss and from friends or family who want to help but don’t know how. If you’ve ever found yourself in that place, here are a few gentle ways to show up:

• Say something - even if you’re not sure what.

Silence can feel like avoidance. Simple words like “I’m so sorry for your loss” or “I don’t know what to say, but I’m here for you” can mean so much.

• Avoid trying to make sense of it.

Comments like “Everything happens for a reason” or “At least you know you can get pregnant” can unintentionally minimize someone’s pain. You don’t have to fix it - just be present.

• Offer small, tangible support.

Grief makes even the smallest tasks feel heavy. A meal dropped off, help with errands, or simply checking in weeks later shows that you’re still there.

• Remember important dates.

Due dates, anniversaries, and the day of loss can bring up waves of emotion. A message on those days can be a quiet reminder that their grief - and their baby - are not forgotten.

• Hold space for different reactions.

Not everyone feels the same way. Some may cry, some may feel numb, and some may not want to talk about it at all. Every response is valid.

Pregnancy and infant loss remind us of how complex love and grief can be - how they often coexist. If you’re reading this and have experienced this kind of loss, please know: you don’t have to carry it alone.