- Clarinda Brandão
The Jar: Strengthen Your Relationship With This Exercise
Some couples seek therapy not because something is broken, but because they want to improve their relationship. Every couple is different and not all my tips and exercises are the same for each couple. Each exercise or tool provided is dependant on their specific need as a couple.
Here is one specific exercise that I have created. "The Jar" for couples to help them feel more connected and validated in their relationship.
Try this with your partner. All you need is a jar (or two), a few pieces of paper and a pen!
There are two ways you can do this, either two jars (one for each) or two different coloured paper (one colour for each).
The idea is to communicate by complimenting or validating your partner. As your week progresses, take the time to write something about your partner that you haven't shared or that you want to remind your partner.
For example: “I love when you kiss me in the morning” or “I love the way you always think of the kids.” or “I love the way your hair looks in the morning”
Also: “I appreciate when you put the laundry away after I bring it upstairs.” or “I appreciate when you make me coffee in the morning when I am too busy getting ready for work.”
Then place them in the jar.
These statements should be reminders of why you love them and why you appreciate them. Each statement should be written on your partner’s paper (whether allocated by colour or placed in their jar). At the end of the week, each of you will take turns reading the statements from the jar (or your coloured paper). Make sure you’re reading what your partner wrote and they’re reading yours.
It’s important to allocate the number of statements you both would like to have before you begin. This will help avoid one person creating two and the other six. Set a small number, example 5. If you want to do more, save them for the next week you both decide to do the jar exercise. Don’t add more than the number you both decided on before you began.
This exercise can help you and your partner feel more connected and appreciated.
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